A solution

I have found an infinitely more cost effective means of attaining the same level of achievement which is sought at the university level. It took me approximately 5 minutes of time using nothing but Google. I did most of it one handed, and I am quite confident that had I been absolutely trashed, on fire, and being horribly mauled by a badger I could have still located it. It's cheaper, and when it comes down to the business of it, this is really what you are after.

Thank god there is a social aspect to college. I'd have hidden myself in my own mattress until I had starved to death and left evidence of my departure not only in the raucous smell which would permeate everything in the building for at least a year, but also the great maggoty mucus stain in the room which would be my final essence.

The Solution!

Thank me later. I'm busy placing an order.
-Sean